So...Where Have I Been?
So...Where Have I Been for the past six months?
Hello, friends. I own you an explanation for disappearing on you out of thin air. First of all, let me tell you that I'm really sorry for abandoning the blog with no warning sign. There are no excuses for not even taking the time to write a little post to say farewell for now. Nonetheless, I'll try to give you a little rundown on the reasons which lead to step back from the blog for the past six months.
My Reasons for going MIA for the past six months
As some of you know, I'm a student at the University of Milan, which entails a lot of sweat and blood on books, sometimes quite literally. The last few months have turned into a legit nightmare for me, with an administrative and/or exam problem at every corner. Safe to say I'm officially a paranoid freak. No, seriously. I had so many problems that I wouldn't believe myself if I went back in time to warn me. Tragic much? Anyway, add this endless serious of misfortunate university events to the unbearably stressful year of 2016, in which I took 15 University exams, and I'm not talking about partials here, friends.
[A little explanation on why i had to take so many exams because, in spite of everything the University of Milan is not just a sadistic beast, I transferred from the University of Genoa for my final year and my exams career was butchered and I pretty much had to "catch up with 18 new exams" to graduate because the Milan University program was very different from the one of my previous University. If you have any questions or desire a better explanation on this, ask away. FIN of this little explanation]
The workload of 2016 left me with a degree of extreme fatigue I had never experienced in my life and I ringed in 2017 with eye bags that would make children scream away from me (okay, not really, but that's because children are way too kind to do that). I wrote a couple of posts in January 2017 and that was it. My list of post ideas was tremendously long as usual, but my time was so little. I had to study so much, and with the fatigue of previous year still on my shoulders, I was so slow. Every studying task took me twice as much time as if I were well rested, but I didn't have time to properly rest and catch a breath because there was always something new that needed my full attention.
Now that this awful but really important lesson is behind me, I can see the many mistakes I made.
In order to be done with my uni workload, something had to give. My mistake was that I decided that EVETYTHING had to give.
Taking care of myself, taking the time to rest, spending time with my friends (making time for your friends as much benefit to them as It is to you, only know I know), and ultimately, my blog. That's all I gave up.
First of all, let me tell you this: Don't do it. Don't ever stop taking care of yourself, and your health, don't ever stop taking the time to slow down, rest and spend time with your friends. Secondly: Don't ever give up on your biggest source of joy, in my case my blog, when you feel like life gets too much because life will only get worse, tasks will only get harder if you never have something to rely on to relax and take your mind off of "life stuff".
At the end of March, I had a proper meltdown, after what felt like the biggest defeat of my life. Spoiler alert: it wasn't this massive big of a deal, but at this point, my mental health was on the verge of collapsing and dropping on me. My meltdown was my lowest point, I reached the basement, and from that moment forward I could only climb up. I never knew what a proper meltdown was until I really had it. After that, I looked into myself and my family for comfort and strength. I tried to analyse the situation from an impartial point of view. My mind was still not at its clearest at this point, nonetheless, i tried my best. I stopped complaining (too much) and tried to figure out the best course of action from this moment and forward. I slowly but surely started incorporating more time to actually leave the house instead of always sleeping/crying over my books and also went out a little more with my friends. My friends are great and I'm very thankful to have them in my life, especially after being the worst friend ever for the past year and a half. They saw me and practically got scared at the ghost version of myself I had become. This prompted me to gradually turn back into a human by taking more care of myself, my food and my sleep.
I still had to swallow a lot of things I didn't want to do anymore and kept going. I dove into April, still broken from my meltdown and hardly functioning. With a change of perspective and a couple of days in which I only slept, I tried to summon all of my mental strength left and try to recharge the damaged part. To change my perspective I seriously tapped into my gratitude to find the positive out this situation, because there is always something to be grateful for.
Things slowly started getting better and within 3 months, i turned my so called biggest failure to date into an utter success, and I give credits to this to the supporting system of family and friends, and to the new perspective I have adopted.
Fast forward to today, things are a lot better, i finally sleep at least seven hours a day because I specifically make time for it and my friends have forgiven me for going MIA for the past six months on them as much as on the blog.
So, I hope this heart to heart with you guys will help you to forgive me for my absence and to come back to being a reader and friend of mine.
I still consider myself in "recovery mode" so if you have any experience and tips on coming back stronger and better from a meltdown, please do share them on here because i really care about what you can teach me as well.
[Photos source: Pinterest]